funny jokes

Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."

Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he hasn't realized yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.

I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a call canter in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal; they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading d first message she fainted. The son rushed in to the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which reads: "To My Loving Wife, I know u are surprised to hear from me, They have Computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones. I've just been checked in. How are U & D kids, D place is really NICE but am lonely here. I hav made necessary arrangement 4 your arrival 2morow. Expecting u darling =))